Living With The Past
by BizzyLizzy
Summary: After 'The Gamekeeper' Daniel has to come to terms with his past. Complete.
1. Part one

**__**

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of the people who made them up. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

****

SPOILERS: Takes place at the end of 'The Gamekeeper.'

Living With The Past

Part one

Daniel had been quiet all the way back to the 'gate. His silence continued as they made their way to the infirmary to get themselves checked out and he had been unusually taciturn in the de-briefing.

'So we just walked through the exit and the machines let us go,' Jack finished up his report, his attention never far from Daniel throughout.

'Thank you SG1. Dismissed.' General Hammond stood to leave, Jack and Sam also standing until he'd gone.

'Well, I don't know about you guys but I'm going to hit the shower and get out of here. See you all tomorrow.' Sam left, closely followed by Teal'c who said something about kel'noreem while Jack settled himself down across the table from where Daniel was still sitting.

After a couple of minutes sitting in silence Jack cleared his throat, catching Daniel's attention at last.

'Jack!' Daniel sounded surprised to find himself alone with Jack. 'Have we finished?'

'Yes,' Jack said in that patient tone of voice which showed he knew something was up. For once, however, Daniel seemed oblivious to Jack's concern, merely standing up and ambling out of the room without a word.

Jack followed him, walking beside him, his sensors on full alert as he realised Daniel had no idea he had company. 'Daniel?'

'Jack?' Daniel looked puzzled, not sure what Jack wanted.

'What's up?'

'Nothing, why would anything be up?' Daniel spoke defensively. Jack could almost see the barriers going up as he tried to figure out what he could do to help his friend.

'Well, let's see,' Jack said, 'you've hardly said a word since we got back, you said nothing in the de-briefing and you didn't even notice when it finished. I think that's a little abnormal even for you.' The sarcasm was lost on Daniel who forced a smile on his face.

'I'm fine Jack, just a bit tired. I'll see you tomorrow.' With that, Daniel hurried off to the locker room to change before heading off home. Jack stood where he was for a few moments, hands shoved into his pockets whistling soundlessly to himself before he headed to the elevator to follow Daniel home, not sure he was in any fit state to drive but not wanting to intrude just yet.

****

XOXOXOX

By the time Jack made it to the parking lot Daniel's car was already gone and Jack cursed to himself, wondering if Daniel had bothered changing at all. Jumping into his own car, Jack put his foot down and sped off down the road leading away from the mountain, realising with a sinking feeling in his stomach that he'd found Daniel.

Daniel's car had left the road, the front wheels hanging over a steep drop. There was no sign of Daniel. Jack got out, directing his car so his headlights illuminated the side of the road, casting a shadow into the front of Daniel's car, making it look almost as though…

…Jack was at the driver side door in an instant as he realised it wasn't just a shadow, that Daniel was sitting there staring straight ahead as though he didn't realise what had just happened. Jack wrenched the door open and spoke more sharply than he intended.

'Daniel? What the hell is going on? You've managed to run your car off the road and you're sitting there like everything's just fine.' Jack instantly regretted the words as Daniel turned dazed eyes to him and Jack saw the trickle of blood working its way down the side of Daniel's face from a gash on his head. 'Daniel? Stay with me now,' Jack's tone changed, trying to reassure him now, the sharpness replaced by concern. 'Are you hurt anywhere else?' Daniel looked at him numbly for a moment and Jack thought he would receive no response.

'I…uh…Jack?' Daniel sounded puzzled as he tried to figure out what he was doing there and why Jack was trying to pull him out of his car. 'I'm fine, Jack. What happened to my car?'

'Looks like you had an accident,' Jack spoke clearly, recognising the signs of shock Daniel was clearly exhibiting: pale skin, shallow breathing, eyes not focussing properly. 'Can you get out of the car?' Daniel nodded but remained where he was, not sure about how to comply with Jack's request. Gently but firmly, Jack gave Daniel instructions on what to do. 'Ok, first you need to move your legs outside the car, yes, that's it, now the other one,' Jack's words were accompanied by Daniel slowly doing what he was told. 'Ok, now, grab my hands and I'll help you the rest of the way.' A moment later, Daniel was standing next to Jack, one of Jack's arms around him to stop him from keeling over.

Jack walked Daniel to his own car, helped him in and turned around, heading back to the mountain to get Daniel the help he needed. By the time they reached the first check point Daniel was able to take note of his surroundings and began to protest strongly.

'Jack - I want to go home, now,' Daniel said as forcefully as he could. 'If you want to go back to work, that's fine, I'll walk home. I've had enough of the place to last a lifetime. I want to go home. Now.'

'Daniel, you're in shock, you've probably got a concussion,' Jack spoke with authority, every bit the CO now. 'Dr Fraiser needs to check you over before you go home.'

'If you don't turn around right now I'll just get out. I am not going back there.' Daniel released his seat belt and turned to open the door. Jack sighed deeply. He could just as easily call Dr Fraiser out on a home visit, sure she would make an exception for Daniel's benefit, seeing that Daniel was verging on hysteria and didn't appear to be that badly injured.

'Ok, ok, have it your way,' Jack began turning the car. 'Back to your place then, but I am going to call Dr Fraiser the minute we get there.'

Daniel, relieved at having got his way, sank back into his seat and remained silent for the rest of the journey.

****

XOXOXOX

As Daniel turned to open the car door once they'd arrived at his apartment an overwhelming feeling of nausea swept over him. Fumbling desperately with the door with shaking hands he barely made it out of the car before throwing up, feeling a comforting pressure on his shoulder as Jack moved to stand beside him. After a few minutes, Daniel straightened himself up.

'You ok?' Jack asked softly.

'Yeah, feeling just great, Jack. Thanks for the ride,' Daniel snapped at his friend, unable to stop himself from lashing out and feeling remarkably unconcerned at the way he was behaving. He turned to make his way into his apartment, vaguely aware Jack was following him but ignoring his presence. At his door, he fumbled in his pocket for his keys, pulling out an assortment of items and dropping them all on the floor. Cursing under his breath, he moved carefully to pick it all up, only to find Jack had got there before him and was now holding the collection from his pockets and was opening up his apartment door.

Daniel entered, tempted to push the door closed behind himself but decided he just didn't have the energy for the fight that would probably follow on from this. Instead, he made his way to his couch and slumped down on it, his eyes closed and his whole demeanour shouting out that something was very wrong.

Jack was relieved he didn't need to push his friend into allowing him in and he stood and watched Daniel as he gave in to whatever was eating him up. Seeing Daniel's pallor abruptly change to an interesting shade of green, he grabbed a bowl and had it ready for Daniel when he began throwing up again. It seemed much more painful this time, and when he'd finished Daniel lay back again looking even whiter than before. That decided Jack on his first move.

Pulling out his cell-phone, Jack dialled the SGC infirmary and was put through to Dr Fraiser. After a brief conversation, Jack hung up and moved into the bathroom where he cleaned up and returned with a damp flannel to freshen Daniel up, along with a glass of water to rinse his mouth out.

'Daniel?' Jack said softly, trying not to alarm him. Daniel half-opened his eyes, then closed them again as the action caused a wave of nausea accompanied by a thumping headache. 'D'you think you can make it to bed?'

Daniel remained stationary for a few moments before responding. 'No.' Uncompromising. Uncooperative.

'Well, that's a pity, because that's where you need to be, and I'm going to get you there one way or another.' Jack spoke firmly, getting through to Daniel. 'If you won't walk I'll just have to carry you, and believe me, with the headache you must have that won't be a nice experience.'

Daniel sighed heavily and made an attempt to stand up, only getting half way before he was overwhelmed by dizziness, but instead of falling over as he expected he found himself supported by one strong arm around his back, the other grasping his upper arm, holding him steady until the room stopped spinning. After a few moments, Daniel indicated he was ready and Jack walked with him to the bedroom, going at Daniel's pace, finally sitting him on the bed.

Jack turned around to rummage in Daniel's drawers, coming up with a t-shirt and sweat pants which he tossed on to the bed beside Daniel, hoping he'd be able to change himself. He managed ok with removing his shirt and pulling the t-shirt on, but had problem with taking his pants off, getting them down to his knees but being unable to bend down to take his shoes off or get the pants right off. Jack moved forward to help, glad that Daniel didn't resist him this time, pulling his pants off and helping him get the sweat pants on. By the time this was done, Daniel was shaking with the effort and began to withdraw again. Fortunately they were interrupted before either could say anything.

'Ah!' Jack exclaimed. 'Saved by the bell. I'll be right back.'


	2. Part two

**__**

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of the people who made them up. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

****

Living With The Past

Part two

'You should have brought him straight to the infirmary, Colonel,' Dr Fraiser snapped at Jack once she'd checked Daniel and patched him up.

'I tried that but he insisted on being brought home,' Jack tried to explain.

'Colonel…' Janet said in warning tones.

'Look, we were nearly there but when he realised where we were going he tried to get out of the car while it was still moving, so I figured it would be better just to do as he wanted,' Jack said. 'He really didn't want to go to the infirmary, doc. I'm sure it's nothing personal but we all know how Danny feels about the place.'

'Hmm.' Janet looked slightly mollified, but still concerned as to what would make Daniel act irrationally. 'Any idea what's going on?'

'He's been behaving like this since we got back from '989,' Jack said, trying to recall what had actually happened. 'Carter and Teal'c weren't affected, but Daniel and I had to relive some painful memories…' Jack's voice faded as it finally sunk in what was affecting his friend. 'I had to go through different scenarios on a mission that went bad - it was kind of - disturbing.' Jack was not going to admit the problems he'd had trying to push the incident to the back of his mind where it had been for years.

'I watched my parents die again,' a quiet voice behind them spoke up. They'd thought Daniel was asleep.

'But…' Jack began, trying to understand how something so far in the past, when he was so young and probably could barely remember his parents, could have affected him.

'I watched as they were crushed to death by the cover stone of a display they were putting up in the New York Museum of Art.' Daniel's voice was barely a whisper now.

'Daniel, I…' Jack began as he stepped back into the room.

'Jack, just leave me alone. I'm tired.' Daniel rolled over and curled himself up into a ball, trying to shut out the rest of the world.

Jack moved towards him but found a hand laid on his arm, restraining him. 'He's in no fit state to get himself worked up just now. He's got a pretty nasty concussion and needs time to feel physically better before he can begin to face up to this.' Jack hesitated, knowing Dr Fraiser was right but unwilling to leave Daniel like this. 'Come on sir, the least you can do is offer me a cup of coffee for having to come all the way out here.' Janet smiled at him and Jack backed down, following her back to the kitchen where he set about making coffee.

'So…' Janet began once they were sitting down with their coffee. 'How come none of this came up during your post-mission exam?' Her tone was deceptively mild, but Jack knew the steel that was underlying the innocent sounding question.

'I guess I'd put it behind me and I had no idea what Daniel had been through, there really didn't seem to be any need to mention it,' Jack tried to sound convincing.

'When will I ever get it through to you people that I need to know about _everything_ that might affect your health during the post-mission checks?' Janet fumed. It happened way too often that someone would conveniently forget to mention something that later had an adverse affect. 'How am I supposed to keep you all fit and active if you conceal things?'

'Doc, I'm sorry ok, it just didn't seem important at the time.' Jack sounded very sorry for himself - but then, Dr Fraiser had been known to reduce the General to a similar state when she felt he was trying to get people back into the field too soon after a rough mission.

'Just try to remember, Colonel, that I need to know everything if I'm to help you and keep you up and running.' Janet calmed down having had her say and ready to tackle the problem of Daniel. 'What about Daniel?'

'I had no idea he'd witnessed his parents' deaths. I knew how they died and that Daniel was very young when it happened, but to actually see it…' Jack fell silent for a moment, trying to envisage the affect that this could have on someone, and more surprisingly, how that someone had turned out so well. 'The Gamekeeper made us believe we could change the outcome of what had happened in our past. Daniel must have tried so hard to stop the accident from happening, and each time to have to go back to the beginning when he failed…'

'I know, Colonel. It just doesn't bear thinking about.' Janet sympathised, draining the last of her coffee. 'Unfortunately, Daniel has been forced to think about it again and he needs to learn to deal with it, as he must have done over the years after it happened. At least this time he has friends there for him, unlike before when he ended up in foster care with no one around to really help him through it.'

'I'll do my best, but I really don't know…' Jack looked doubtful as he realised the scope of the task ahead of him. The two men were complete opposites to each other, but somehow had developed a strong sense of friendship, something that had been missing from both their lives before they were thrown together, but he wasn't sure he had what was needed to get the younger man back on track. Jack tended to file his feelings to a remote part of his brain, never to see the light of day again, whereas Daniel would hold on to his pain and relive it, trying to make sense of what had happened. Ultimately Daniel would come through it, but Jack wasn't sure how long it would take or how much damage would be caused on the way.

'I'll leave you to it, Colonel,' Dr Fraiser stood up, returning her mug to the kitchen. 'Make sure you wake him every hour for the first couple of hours, after that, providing everything is normal, you can let him sleep until morning. Oh, and Colonel,' she added almost as an afterthought, 'no coffee, no junk food and no reading.'

'Doc - you're a sadist.' Jack spoke more lightly now. 'Daniel with no coffee, cookies or books? You think I'm a martyr or something?'

'I'll stop by in the morning to see how he's doing,' Janet ignored Jack's complaining and took her leave, hoping that somehow everyone's favourite archaeologist would pull through this latest in the long list of tragedies he'd been faced with in his life.

****

XOXOXOX

'Gerroff!' Daniel mumbled, swiping at Jack's hand which was on his shoulder.

'Come on Daniel, you know the rules,' Jack replied, keeping his tone light. Daniel looked so vulnerable lying there with his head bandaged up, a haunted expression on his face.

'Don't care. Go 'way,' Daniel pulled the pillow over his face and rolled away from his tormentor, only to feel Jack pulling him over on to his back and the pillow being removed.

'We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Daniel,' Jack said firmly. 'You know what has to be done, now open your eyes. You really don't want me to make you do you?'

Daniel, with a big sigh, opened his eyes at last, stared sullenly at Jack until he received a nod, then closed his eyes again, ignoring Jack's 'See you in an hour.'

Jack remained beside Daniel for a moment, reluctant to leave him on his own, seeing the pain and hurt that overshadowed his face and which he had seen clearly seen in his eyes.

An hour later, Daniel was a little more co-operative, opening his eyes as requested but saying nothing at all, snapping his eyes closed as soon as he saw Jack was satisfied. Jack checked twice more after this and decided that as Daniel seemed to be recovering well, he would leave him to sleep, just keeping an eye on him now and again.

****

XOXOXOX

Jack sat upright in the bed in the spare room instantly awake, his senses trying to figure out what had woken him, his instinct telling him it was Daniel.

Pulling on a sweater against the coolness of the night, he padded softly into Daniel's bedroom, snapping on the light when he realised the room was empty. The bedclothes were twisted up and half on the floor, evidence that Daniel had had a restless night and had tossed them to one side in irritation. Jack made his way to the lounge where he stood watching for a few moments before moving closer to the couch.

Daniel was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest, one arm hugging his legs, the other holding the TV remote with which he was channel surfing until eventually he found something which he settled on. He put the remote beside him and his other arm joined the first in grasping his legs where he sat rocking himself gently as his eyes focussed on the programme he'd selected.

'Star Trek, Daniel?' Jack asked quietly as he moved to sit down next to Daniel. 'Thought you said sci-fi shows were all trash.'

Daniel glanced briefly at Jack, his eyes dull and lifeless, then he returned to the TV, to all appearances absorbed in what was taking place on the screen.

'Hey, I know this episode,' Jack said brightly. 'Isn't this the one where they're trying to get home from some distant part of the galaxy.' Nothing, not even a glance or a raised eyebrow.

Jack sat there allowing the show to play to its conclusion before removing the remote from Daniel's reach and switching the TV off.

'Daniel.' Jack spoke, trying to reach the younger man who sat there staring in front of him which confirmed Jack's suspicion that Daniel hadn't been watching at all. 'Wanna talk?'

This got a response. Daniel lowered his legs and turned to glare at Jack.

'No I don't,' he snapped. 'I just want some space in my own home, but it seems that isn't allowed any more.' Daniel stood up abruptly and took a couple of steps when he was overcome by a wave of dizziness causing him to grab the back of the couch for support. Jack was at his side, holding him steady until the episode passed, only to find his hold shrugged off with an 'I'm fine now.' And with that, Daniel retreated to his bedroom, closing the door firmly behind him.

Jack sighed and returned to the spare room and his disturbed sleep, determined to get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing he did.


	3. Part three

**__**

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of the people who made them up. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

****

Living With The Past

Part three

When Daniel next woke he realised it was late by the light coming in through the curtains. Sitting up suddenly as he realised he was late for work, his memory returned - what had happened on the last mission, and after, the accident on his way home.

Daniel sat on the edge of the bed trying to force down the headache that had resumed now he was awake. He really didn't feel like moving but knew that the only way to rid himself of the pain was to get the medication Dr Fraiser had left for him.

Not bothering to put anything on over his t-shirt, he shuffled his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen area, automatically reaching for a glass and filling it with water before opening the bottle of painkillers that were sitting on the counter. He rapidly swallowed a couple of tablets then turned to make his way to the couch when he realised he wasn't alone.

'Hi guys,' he greeted the rest of his team who were watching him.

'How are you feeling Daniel?' Sam asked. 'Colonel O'Neill told us about the accident so we came by to see how you were.' Sam's eyes betrayed her. Daniel could see that there was more than concern for his health there and he was immediately on his guard again, answering only the question he'd been asked.

'Much better thanks,' he replied, giving her a ghost of a smile. 'Got a headache still but I'm sure Dr Fraiser's happy pills will do the trick.'

'Want anything to eat, Daniel?' Jack offered, standing up to move in to the kitchen. 'Carter and Teal'c stopped off at the store on the way over and picked up some stuff.'

'I'm not really hungry. What about coffee?' Daniel looked hopefully towards Jack.

'Yeah right,' Jack replied. 'My life won't be worth living if I give you coffee right now. You can have juice or warm milk, your choice.'

'Juice, then,' Daniel forced himself to be polite, to try to act as normally as possible until he could safely retreat to the solitude of his bedroom again.

'Here you go,' Jack offered the glass to Daniel before sitting himself down. 'So…' An awkward silence fell over the group, none of them being sure what to say next. In spite of Daniel's attempts at acting like nothing was wrong, his whole attitude screamed that he was hurting and desperately needed his friends to help him through this difficult time.

Daniel finished his drink and sat quietly for a few minutes, focussing on the empty glass before looking up at the faces that had been watching him.

'Listen, guys,' he said, nervously twisting the glass in his hands, 'thanks for coming over. Sorry I'm not very good company at the moment but I think I need to go back to bed. I'll see you later.' And with that he was gone, leaving three astounded people behind him.

'Did he just say…' Sam began.

'Yup, he sure did,' Jack confirmed.

'But Daniel _never _goes to bed, even when he's under orders to get some sleep,' Sam finished.

'I know. Carter, you were with him while he went through the memory of his parents weren't you?'

'Yes, it was…' Sam tried to find the right words. 'Very difficult for me to see what he had to cope with. I felt helpless, there was nothing I could do, to see him in so much pain, so much despair and not be able to help him at all. And he kept trying to save them. When he found that wouldn't work and realised what was happening, he refused to do anything more, but you should have seen his face when the cover stone fell on them again and he had done nothing to try to get them out of there.' Sam shivered at the memory, realising that they hadn't really discussed what had happened on the planet at all, or not the more intimate details anyway.

'Was not Daniel Jackson only a child when this event occurred?' Teal'c asked, his voice curious.

'Yes,' Jack replied, uncertain where the Jaffa was going with this.

'Why is it that it is such a painful memory then?' Teal'c now looked puzzled. 'Surely he would not remember something like that very clearly.'

'Teal'c, he watched his parents being crushed to death and was put into foster care in an unfamiliar country with an unfamiliar culture,' Sam explained. 'He had to deal with what happened pretty much on his own and now he's been made to relive that day, making him think that maybe there was something he could have done to stop it from happening, it's re-opened a bad memory that would have taken him a long time to deal with first time around.'

'So what do we do?' Jack was out of his depth and not sure how to deal with this.

'Was not one of your own memories used in a similar way?' Teal'c asked Jack.

'Yes.' Jack replied cautiously.

'Perhaps then you should talk to Daniel Jackson,' Teal'c continued. 'You have both experienced the resurfacing of a memory that should have been left alone. Both Captain Carter and myself were merely observers of these experiences and do not truly know how you were feeling.'

'Why did you have to go and say that?' Jack complained.

'Sir, he's right,' Sam backed Teal'c up, who had responded to Jack's retort with a raised eyebrow.

'I know he is, but if he hadn't said it then I thought maybe you…'

'Sir, you know Daniel better than either Teal'c or me, you were put through a similar experience. You're the only one who can do something about this.' Sam assured Jack.

'Thanks guys,' Jack pulled a face before changing the subject. 'Anyone want lunch?'

****

XOXOXOX

Daniel woke again as it was beginning to get dark, his headache had eased at last leaving him with only a vague dull feeling to indicate the concussion had not quite cleared up. Deciding that he would feel a lot better if he cleaned up and got into fresh clothes, he quickly showered, shaved and put on clean sweat pants and t-shirt. Looking thoughtfully at the tangled mess of sheets on his bed, he stripped it all off and tossed it into the hamper before pulling out a fresh set and re-making the bed. Satisfied that his bedroom looked presentable once more, he headed for the kitchen to see what he could forage for himself.

'Jack!' Daniel stopped abruptly at the sight of the other man lounging on his sofa, watching ice hockey on the TV. 'I thought you'd gone.'

'Surprise, surprise, here I am,' Jack said, smiling at Daniel. 'So - how are you doing?' Jack looked appraisingly at Daniel, noting the freshly washed and changed appearance and the forced smile on his face. The newly-recovered Dr Jackson however, couldn't conceal the pain in his eyes that looked around with a dullness that didn't belong.

'Much better thanks,' Daniel said, trying to sound cheerful and ready to get back to work. 'Well, almost back to normal. I've got a bit of a headache still, but nothing that won't clear up after a good night's sleep.'

'You've been asleep for almost twenty-four hours already and you want more?' Jack kept his tone light and teasing, both of them knowing how good Daniel was at following medical instructions to rest.

'Well, not just yet,' Daniel conceded. 'I was actually looking for something to eat. You want anything?' Daniel had started opening cupboards to see what there was.

'I don't mind if I do,' Jack replied. 'If I remember rightly, Carter left a carton of chicken soup in the fridge, just needs a couple of minutes in the microwave and there are some fresh bread rolls in that bag - the ones with cheese sprinkled on that you seem to enjoy so much.'

'Right,' Daniel mumbled as he found what he was looking for and began putting it together.

Jack watched Daniel out of the corner of his eye, resisting the urge to make Daniel sit down while he took care of the cooking, well reheating. He remembered Daniel's comment from last night about not being allowed any space in his own home and figured he should try to take a step back for the time being.

Five minutes later they were both sitting with trays on their laps when the doorbell rang.

'Sam and Teal'c?' Daniel asked, wondering if they had come back.

'Nah, probably Dr Fraiser and her impeccable timing,' Jack replied, setting his tray on the floor carefully before standing up.

'Can't we pretend not to be here?' Daniel asked, trying to make it sound as though he was joking, but Jack read more into it, knowing he wanted nothing more than to be left alone.

'Are you kidding?' Jack said. 'You were asleep when she stopped by this morning and she's not going to take no for an answer. Let her do whatever she needs to, then I'll see if I can get you a reprieve for a couple of days. Will that do?' Daniel nodded his reluctant acceptance of these terms and continued eating his soup.

'So,' Janet's voice greeted him, 'glad to see you taking note of my instructions for once.'

'Janet,' Daniel greeted the new arrival.

'How are you feeling today?' Janet asked as she accepted the cup of coffee Jack had handed her, allowing Daniel to finish eating before examining him.

'I'm fine, now,' Daniel said, trying to maintain his cool, wishing people would stop asking him the same question over and over. 'Just a bit of a headache but nothing like it was earlier.'

'That's good.' Janet paused, wondering what to say, sensing the strained atmosphere surrounding Daniel.

'Carter and Teal'c stopped by earlier and brought supplies with them,' Jack informed Janet, making small talk to pass the time. 'Daniel graced us with his presence for about five minutes, but he's spent most of the time asleep.' Jack ruffled Daniel's hair as he said this, eliciting a fairly normal reaction.

'Ja-ack!' Daniel complained, keeping his tone as neutral as possible, concealing his irritation. 'I'm done.' Daniel stood up to return his tray to the kitchen but was stopped by Jack taking it from him.

'Dr Fraiser needs to check you out,' Jack informed him. 'I'll wash up and leave you in her hands.'

Ten minutes later Janet had completed her exam.

'Will he live?' Jack asked.

'Providing he follows my instructions and takes it easy for the next forty-eight hours, I think he should be alright,' Janet said, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes as she followed this up with 'Of course, if he doesn't do what he's told, I've got a new treatment I need to test out…'

The look on both Daniel's and Jack's faces was worth it, Janet thought to herself, knowing that both of them hated being in the infirmary at any time, even when they needed treatment.

'Anyway,' Janet continued. 'Glad to see you're looking better. Come and see me before you return to duty in two days.'

Janet took her leave, Jack seeing her to the door and by the time he returned he realised Daniel was still trying to avoid him and had headed back to bed. Sighing to himself, he made his way to Daniel's bedroom, hoping that maybe he would still be awake but fortune was not with him and Daniel lay there, still looking a little pale and still very vulnerable, his deep regular breathing telling him that any deep and meaningful conversations would have to wait until the following day.


	4. Part four

**__**

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of the people who made them up. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

****

Living With The Past

Part four

'Get out of there!' Someone yelling woke Daniel out of a restless dream. 'Retreat! Snipers on the roof!' Daniel was out of bed in an instant, realising that Jack was having a nightmare and racing into the spare room without a thought.

'Jack?' Daniel shook the older man gently by the shoulder, being ready to duck away should the need arise. It was never a good idea to surprise Jack while he was sleeping - he could still remember the bloody nose he'd had when he had tried to wake Jack for his watch on one of their missions some time ago. 'Jack, come on, wake up. You're dreaming.'

'Wassup? Daniel? You weren't there, you shouldn't be here,' Jack mumbled, still not fully awake.

'Jack, wake up, you need to wake up,' Daniel was more forceful now, shaking Jack firmly until he could see Jack's eyes starting to focus.

'Daniel? What's wrong?' Jack was fully awake and alert now, wondering why Daniel was waking him up in the middle of the night. Jack sat up and grabbed Daniel's arm, looking into his face, trying to figure out what was going and whether Daniel was sick.

'Nothing,' Daniel returned, shivering in the cold night air. 'You were having a nightmare and you woke me up.'

'I was?' Jack looked apologetic. 'Sorry about that. I was dreaming about…' He stopped, reluctant to go into any more details.

'Jack?' Daniel looked at Jack, concern for his friend clearly showing and Jack guessed that if he were to explain what he had gone through at the hands of the gamekeeper, then maybe Daniel would begin to open up.

'I was dreaming about a mission that went wrong, the one the gamekeeper made me relive.' Jack admitted, finding it surprisingly difficult to talk about it, he had after all buried the original memories deep in the recesses of his mind many years ago. 'I knew what was going to happen, what was going to go wrong and I tried to change the outcome, but there was always another trap to fall into. I could have gone on for days trying to change the way things worked out, and the gamekeeper would always have found another way to make me fail.' Jack scrubbed his face with his hands, trying to put the memory to one side, to bury it again. He felt a hand on his arm as Daniel spoke.

'Jack, I'm so sorry,' Daniel said, his voice full of emotion and when Jack looked up again, he could see a pair of concerned blue eyes focussed on him. 'I had no idea…' He wasn't sure what to say. Here he had been, wallowing in self-pity and his friend, and yes, no matter what anyone else might say or think, Jack was his friend, his friend had needed him. 'Are you going to be alright?'

Jack felt like shaking Daniel. How did he manage to do it every time? Daniel was struggling to come to terms with something that no-one should have to deal with, let alone when they were only a child, and all he was concerned with was whether or not he was alright.

'I'm fine Daniel, really,' Jack reassured Daniel. 'It happened a long time ago. We made a lot of mistakes and people got killed but I moved on, although I never forgot. I dealt with it at the time and I'll deal with it now.' Just then he saw Daniel shivering and realised how cold it was and wondered if it was freezing outside. 'For crying out loud Daniel you're gonna freeze to death if you don't get yourself back to bed,' Jack exclaimed, instantly regretting it when he saw Daniel retreating back into his shell.

'Look, Daniel, why don't I make some coffee?' Jack offered, trying to smooth over the situation.

'Coffee, Jack?' Daniel said irritably, 'I don't think I heard Dr Fraiser lift the embargo on coffee just yet. Maybe I'll just go back to bed.' Daniel turned, his shoulders set, and left the room, reaching his own room and closing the door before Jack could get out of his own bed to try to work things out.

Jack paused outside the door to Daniel's room, trying to figure out whether it was worth barging in there and trying to knock some sense into Daniel, but the situation was resolved for him when he heard a muffled voice from inside the room saying with finality, 'Good night Jack.' Pulling a resigned face, Jack made his way back his own bed where he lay awake for a long time, trying to get things straight in his own head to enable him to help Daniel.

XOXOXOX

Jack woke late the next morning having managed to get exactly nowhere with his line of thought from the previous night. He lay wallowing in the pleasure of having a lie-in until he realised what it was that had woken him - the smell of freshly made coffee came wafting through the door and without thinking, Jack was out bed and into the kitchen in around ten seconds flat.

'Daniel!' Jack exclaimed, his tone light and bantering, deciding that Daniel could really do without the hard time he probably should put him through. 'Since when did Dr Fraiser put coffee back on the menu?'

Daniel shrugged his shoulders, holding his enormous cup of coffee up to his nose as he breathed in the fragrant fumes and said 'Want some?' Jack nodded and while his own coffee was being poured, began to rummage in the fridge for something to eat.

'Hungry?' Jack asked, receiving a nod in reply. 'Fancy some eggs?'

'Sure,' Daniel shrugged again before making himself comfortable on the couch, his cup of coffee close at hand. Jack watched him for a few moments before starting to beat the eggs he'd retrieved from the fridge.

The day passed slowly. Daniel was polite but refused to enter into any kind of discussion with Jack, carefully avoiding any mention of what had passed last night or how Daniel might be feeling. Daniel was still suffering from the after effects of concussion and shock and spent the day dozing and watching television. Jack tried to capture Daniel's attention by suggesting a game of cards and as a last resort got the chess board out although he knew he would probably lose, but Daniel just wasn't biting, pleading tiredness when anything was suggested.

As the afternoon wore on, Daniel tuned in to some programme on Ancient Egypt which even Jack could tell was full of inconsistencies and was sure would have Daniel yelling at the narrator, correcting all the wrong information that was being given out, but aside from a couple of muffled comments, nothing was forthcoming. Now Jack began to be worried. A normal Daniel would have been hurling abuse by now and getting so irritated with the programme that he would switch the TV off altogether, instead, Jack watched as Daniel's eyes began to grow heavy and eventually slid shut, his face relaxing as sleep claimed him again.

Jack sighed and took the opportunity to channel surf himself, stopping when he came to a Simpsons marathon, keeping the volume down to avoid disturbing Daniel. This was going to be hard work, and until Daniel was able to face up to what he'd been put through he wouldn't be fit to rejoin SG1. Daniel had received so many knock backs in his life, yet each time he managed to bounce back, ready to take on the world again, Jack just hoped that Daniel would be able to do that again as he hated to see his friend going through this and the thought of Daniel spiralling into depression just didn't bear thinking about that. _Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, _Jack thought to himself as he recalled his own experiences after Charlie had died. _It was Daniel who got me through that and I'm damned if I'll let him put himself through this on his own,_ Jack firmly resolved.

XOXOXOX

Daniel heard his mother calling for him.

'Daniel? Are you in here? It's supper time, if you don't come out now there won't be any left,' he heard her saying. Giggling happily, Daniel ran out from where he'd been hiding and straight into his mother's arms, receiving a big hug in return. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself today?' She asked the small figure walking along beside her, holding her hand, listening with interest when he explained that he'd been helping Vasilou clean up some of the pottery fragments unearthed on the dig.

'And look,' Daniel finished excitedly, 'he gave me my own brush to use.' Daniel showed her the rather worn brush he'd been given, knowing that the child knew exactly how to use it and how to treat the artefacts they found.

Daniel blinked, then realised they were now sitting around a fire, his dad there as well. He was sitting in his mother's lap, she was leaning against his father who had his arms around both of them and Daniel felt warm, secure and loved.

Smiling to himself, relishing the feelings that rose in him, the scene changed and he found himself in the museum again, he could see the cover stone falling in slow motion. He was screaming at his parents to move, to get to safety, but they couldn't hear him, couldn't see him and suddenly it was over. Silence fell over the room for a moment, a silence broken only by the voice of a small child: 'Mum! Dad!' A child screaming for his parents before one of the assistants came to him and dragged him, still screaming, from the room.

Daniel could feel arms around him, holding him, but he struggled; maybe his parents were alive, if they could just see him, hear him, they would be able to get out and they would be alright. He struggled more fiercely as the arms refused to let him go and he could feel the tears streaming down his face as he continued to call for his parents, but still he was held tightly. With one last effort he yelled as loudly as he could, waking himself up.

XOXOXOX

Jack was keeping an eye on Daniel and could see different expressions crossing his face as he slept. He smiled, looking younger again, the lines on his face were smoothed out and he really looked more relaxed than he had in a long time. The expression remained as Daniel shifted into a more comfortable position, curling himself up on the couch. Jack relaxed and began to watch the TV again, becoming absorbed until he noticed a change in Daniel. His body had stiffened, an agonised expression filled his face and he began to move around in agitation, muttering under his breath. At first Jack couldn't hear the words, could only watch the pain that this dream was causing, then he heard more clearly and the words and the tone in which they were spoken wrenched at him, making him realise what it was that Daniel was dreaming about.

'Mum! Dad!' He was yelling, struggling to sit up. Jack shifted closer to Daniel, holding him and rocking him gently much as he would do when Charlie had nightmares, maintaining the grip even when Daniel was fighting so hard it seemed as though he would break free. Tears were streaming down his face as he continued to struggle, then he stopped and Jack saw Daniel had woken and returned to the present.

'Jack?' Daniel spoke hoarsely, still caught up in the nightmare.

'It's alright Daniel,' Jack reassured Daniel, 'it's gonna be alright.'

'I saw them die Jack,' Daniel's voice was shaking. 'I watched as they were crushed to death and there was nothing I could do about it. One of the assistants had to drag me away. I thought that if only they could see me, hear me, they would be alright, they would know I needed them and everything would be alright. I tried to get back to them but she wouldn't let me go and they died. I could have done something, Jack. I should have done something.'

'Daniel, there was nothing you could do back then, you were eight years old. There was nothing you could do when the game keeper recreated it, he would have made sure it never worked out as you wanted it to. You did the right thing in refusing to try any more and I know what it must have cost you to do that.' Jack could feel Daniel tense at these words and he spoke again quickly. 'I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me when I refused to go through that mission again, listened to my team getting killed while I did nothing about it. When it happened for real, I did what I could and some of us got out alive, but that wasn't real. I know it will take time to put it behind you, but you can do it Daniel, I know you can. We need you as part of the team Daniel and we're your friends, I'm your friend. You don't have to go through it alone this time, we'll help you through it.'

'Jack…' Daniel began but again was prevented from saying anything.

'Ah!' Jack held up a hand to halt Daniel in mid-flow - not an easy task at the best of times. 'Don't say it.'

'Don't say what Jack?' Daniel opened his eyes in wide-eyed innocence, beginning to look a little more alert and normal now.

'That you're alright and can deal with it on your own, that you don't need any help,' Jack said, watching a smile flicker around the edges of Daniel's mouth.

'Actually, I was going to ask you to let go as I really need to use the bathroom,' Daniel replied, standing up as Jack released him. As he left the room, Daniel turned back, giving Jack one of his shy smiles. 'Jack?'

'Yes?' Jack wondered what was coming next.

'Thanks.' Daniel said simply.

'Are you..?' Jack left the unspoken question hanging.

'Yes, Jack, I'm going to be fine - with a little help from my friends, that is.'

THE END


End file.
